Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
