why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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