sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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