absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
