Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
