Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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