awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
