Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
