There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
