It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
