This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
