I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
