I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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