hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
