ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
