farters have to be the big spoon...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
