next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
