I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
