Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
