I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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