she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
