just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
