we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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