Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sober January is a disaster.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
