i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
