Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
