Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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