What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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