i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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