My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
did you just send me my own nude
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
