eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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