i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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