Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
