totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
