i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I faked an abortion last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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