We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
