i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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