Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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