john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
