I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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