Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
