Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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