i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
