When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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