The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize