I think I died a long time ago.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
