Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
