How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
