I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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