no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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