Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
