I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
